How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
