you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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