just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
