My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
