brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
