dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
