I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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