i would punch a child for taco bell
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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