direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
