Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
