I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
