you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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