yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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