I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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