you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
