I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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