We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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