Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
