had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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