oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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