are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
