brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
