new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
