If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
