Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
