i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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