Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
