He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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