What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
