He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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