I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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