none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize