I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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