I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
