I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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