Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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