A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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