White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
