I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
