Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
