I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
