try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
