I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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