Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
