he thought i was a dude.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize