The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
