I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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