So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize