Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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