Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
