I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
