No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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