My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
