She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can text with my tongue
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
