he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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