I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize