My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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