His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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