If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
