so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
