Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
