some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize