Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
