I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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