I CAN MOONWALK!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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