Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
