If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize