he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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