I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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