How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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