Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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