porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm at about main and main street
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
