So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
