I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bring money and cleavage
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
