His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
