My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
