im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
