what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
