I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
