these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
