once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
