It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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