Pants 0. Shit 1.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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