i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
