: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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