Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
