dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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