pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
