your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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