I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize