I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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