i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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