I am in a vortex of obligation.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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