Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
