ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am available for nakedness
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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