k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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