I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
