Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
